RUSSELL: Cruise Connection

As it turns out, Russell is very shy and reluctant to write an article about himself.  So, once again Roger and Diana must turn to their editor to track down Russell and provide some information for the Cruise Connection.  The editor, bless his heart, managed to finally get ahold of Russell on the phone and ask him a few questions.

Ed.  So Mr. Cobb, I understand that you have had a long-standing relationship with a fellow called Randy.  And before that, you had a very long-standing relationship with Duane Davis.  Since Duane is able to go on this cruise and Randy is not.....are you planning to once again hook up with Duane??  I know you have stated in the past that you are not gay but your actions seem to indicate otherwise.  So what is going on??

Russell.  (Sniff) what?

Ed.  I thought the question was/is pretty clear.  Are you once again hoping to re-connect with Duane??  You know he is married now and his wife Linda would be upset if you two became an item again.  We all know about your frequent trips to the Rudder Room when you spend the night with them in Oxnard at the beach house.....so are trying to take this relationship to the next level??  What will happen to Linda??

Russell.  What (sniff).

Ed.  Perhaps we should move on to another topic.  I understand that (at least in the past) that you have an inclination to have the occasional cocktail.  So, just exactly what is your favorite drink?  This should be fairly easy for you.

Russell.  Abolut on the rocks (sniff).  

Ed.  You seem to be a man of few words.  Is that because Randy is always talking when you’re together and you have learned over the years to just remain quiet or is it that you really don’t have much to say and when you do speak up......no one seems to be paying attention......you know, playing to the hair-cuts??  Rumor has it that you first met Roger at one of Jim Allison’s halloween parties where Roger was wearing some sort of disgusting, twisted, demented, sick costume and, of course, there was an instant bonding.  And, you finally met Diana when the two of them were dating and ultimately got married.  Does all of this ring a bell??

Russell.  Huh?

Ed.  Have you always been this hard to talk to??  I mean, I thought you used to own a bar in Glendale called the Odd House.  Didn’t you have to talk to customers when you were serving drinks??  Didn’t Ike and Tina Turner and Little Richard play at your bar??

Surely you had to talk to them or did you have a partner that did all the talking??  Also, weren’t you married several times and have several kids and grandkids and even great grandkids......so don’t you have to talk to them once in awhile?

Russell.  Would you repeat that (sniff)?

Ed.  Never mind......let’s try a new topic.  Diana tells me that you really enjoy music and that you have quite a collection on your iPod or some other kind of electronic device.  She also tells me that you spend a lot of time doing on-line shopping for all kinds of things and usually wind up sending them back.  Is this some kind of social intercourse for you since you seem to be on the outs with Randy.  You know, you can get help for this.  So, given your love of music and your current situation with Randy, do you currently have any favorites?

Russell.  What?

Ed.  Geeze, interviewing you is like pulling teeth.  You know, there are lots of activities on the cruise ship and many folks really enjoy participating.  Do you have any favorites.  I know you enjoy drinking and eating.....but are there any others??  Are you in to rock climbing, bingo, dancing, art auctions, ping-pong, swimming, anything??  Yes, I know you would probably prefer the eating and drinking so do you also have a favorite meal?

Russell.  Tofu (sniff) and steamed veggies.

Ed.  I guess that about wraps it up.  Do you have any other thoughts or comments you would like to make about yourself or about Roger and Diana or about why you are going on the cruise?

Russell.  Wait a minute......I’m going on cruise??