WHO IS GARY HEARD?: Cruise Connection by Roger Davis

This is Gary! 

Since there are mixed reviews as to the correctness of any answers to this perplexing question; (is he an urban myth or an urban legend?) it seemed appropriate to let our editor try and get ahold of Gary and ask him a few questions.  Following is that “interview”.

Ed: Given the historic difficulty in reaching Gary, I will try and reach him on his cell phone.  It’s Sunday morning just a little after 8:00 a.m.  Hello Gary I believe Diana had sent you an email about my interviewing you and I would like to start off by asking what exactly is it that you do?

Gary: Well, I’m a very important person and am in charge of all of the computers at the Napa Valley Unified School District.  Hold it, I have a call on the other line...........

Ed: Thanks for getting back to me.  So how is it that you know Roger and Diana?

Gary: Well, let me be sure that this is just between you and me.  OK?  Well, Diana and I used to be an item and then I joined the navy and became a submariner.....you know, under the water for long periods of time with other submariners.  So after many moons at sea, Diana had finally had enough of me and dumped me.  Please don’t tell Roger about this I really like him and wouldn’t want him to be..........oops, that’s the other line and I have to get this ‘cause I’m really a very important person.

Ed: You’re back.  Actually, this is not really that confidential since this article will be on Diana’s blog for the upcoming cruise.

Gary:  What the @#$%& is a blob??

Ed:  It’s blog, and it’s a term or name for a computer or web based article or perhaps a diary used by multiple authors.  You should check the term out on Wikipedia.

Gary:  What the @#$%& is Wikipedia??  Is this some place in Hawaii??  ‘Cause I’ve been there you know and I don’t remember any @#$%& Wikipedia!!

Ed:  I thought you said you were in charge of computers?  You should be aware of these terms.  You don’t have an Apple.....do you??  It is easy to look up these terms on an Apple.  You might want to consider this.  Anyway, let’s get back to the interview.  Why do  you like cruising?

Gary:  I’m with Roger on this one.  I like cruising ‘cause Diana likes cruising and while we were together, I learned the hard way that it’s best to like what.........hold that thought, I am important and I have to get the other line.

Ed:  Whew.....you’re back.  It’s way past lunch-time and I need something to eat.  How ‘bout I call you back in 45 minutes and we’ll continue this.

Gary:  Thanks for calling me back.  Feel better now?

Ed:  Yes, thanks.  So Gary have you ever cruised before??
  

Gary:  Hello!!??  I was on submarines with lots of other men for many moons under water and I’m pretty sure we went to different places but now it’s sort of a blur and I have trouble.......wait, there’s the other line and given my importance, I need to get it.

Ed:  You’re back again.  So, what is your favorite cocktail?

Gary:  I’m with Roger on this one again.  Bombay Sapphire martini up with no vermouth.

Ed:  And you’re favorite food and desert?

Gary:  Again I’m with Andre and Roger on this one but mostly Roger.  I like what ever is put in front of me and since I was on a submarine I eat everything that is put in front of me and often what is put in front of my table mates.  Sometime I pay them back if you know what I.......damn, it’s the other line again and I’m sure it will require someone of my importance to answer it.

Ed:  Do you have any hobbies?

Gary:  Just my work.  I love going to work.  It’s really fun and I am very important.  Oh yeah, I’ve sort of got into Japanese swords......mostly because Roger likes them.

Ed:  I’ve noticed that you refer to Roger quite often.  Is there something going on between you two??

Gary:  I have no idea what you’re talking about!!  OK, so I spent a lot of time on submarines with a
lot of good looking older men and they showed me how to shower and how to wash myself properly.  And they showed me that sometimes two or even three of us could fit in the same bunk.  Yes, I passed these techniques on to the younger men but I always preferred being taught and disciplined when I misbehaved.  And, Roger is older and he is kinda cute and he has a wonderful sense of humor and he is very soft and.......wait a second, there is the phone again.  Hang on gotta go.

Ed:  Geeze Gary it’s almost 9:30 p.m. you must have a very dedicated staff at the district.....I mean so many folks working on Sunday......pretty amazing.

Gary:  Actually, I’m the only one here.  No one else comes in on Sunday.....just me.

Ed:  I don’t get it.  You say you’re the only one there yet almost every time I ask you a question, you tell me you need to answer an important phone call.  What’s going on?

Gary:  Well, uh, well, listen, I’m a very important person and these people need me. CLICK.

Photo provided by ifunny.com